what.

Watching some Food Network before Suss and I battle out some Jeopardy.  This comes pops up as one of their "green tips":

Fill empty space in your refrigerator or freezer with crumpled newspapers-- it improves cooling and saves electricity and money.

Perhaps the stupidest green tip I've heard this year.

I prefer to be sedentary, thank you.

For some reason I hate this term, but will use it begrudgingly: Yesterday I "worked out" for the first time in about six months.

"Working out" conjures up images of buff, spandex-clad mens and womens sweating. Usually when if I exercise I am in a dorky t-shirt and basketball shorts. I also try not to sweat under any circumstance as doing so turns me into a grumpalump.

My roommate, who "works out" regularly (eh it's giving me tinglies even writing it), does these Exercise TV videos on demand. Usually I just lay on the couch and watch the videos while she bounces around and contracts her abs or whatever, but I was feeling good yesterday. I decided to exploit that energetic mood and pay for it today.

We did some cardio yoga thing that was hosted by this guy who you would have thought was Australian looking at him until he opened his beautiful curly-headed head and he was American. He was very pleasant to exercise with and kept telling me that I could do it, so I did.

Result- I hurt here:

The baby toe is actually the result of my clumsiness, not cute Exercise TV guy. He was actually very graceful and I did my best to imitate him. He kept telling me while I was bent over with all my weight on my right fingertips, "Look up if you can, it's harder to balance." I only leaned on the couch for support once and fell over only twice.

Anyway, this morning I was walking my five block path to work and I turned a corner too sharply and stepped on the pointy concrete side of a building. Yes, I'm not really sure how I managed to step UP a wall, but I did. I heard something like a twig snapping, did a little hoppy scream and limped the rest of the way.

My baby toe is swollen and uglier than usual now that the nail is all fucked up and the skin scraped off a little. It's been almost five hours since this happened so I think I might have broken it.

Anyway, my sonufabitch boss keeps making me get up to do stupid shit that would actually be easier for HIM to complete.

Example 1: "Hey! This copy machine is clogged! Come fix it!"

Twice within twenty minutes, I have had to use my injured toe and throbbing thighs to go open two copier compartment doors and close them while he watches. The blinking diagram is apparently too hard for a man with a JD to understand.

Example 2: "HEY! Where is I Sue Everyone's file!"

"To your right."

"I don't see it."

"On the surface to your right. Look down. No, right."

"I can't find it."

Here, let me stop typing and answering the phones so I can get up and point to it for you.

My boss is unbelievably dependent on me to do the simplest things.

Can he dial a phone? No. I am the only phone dialer around here. Can he date a document? No. Only I know the date and am capable of transcribing it. Will he ever, ever, ever pull a file out of the cabinet that he is at least ten feet closer to than I am? He may or may not know the alphabet. I'm unsure.

Pool Observations

Went to the pool yesterday for the first time (of the season and at my new apartment). Quite a crowd there. A few points from my notes:

What I presumed was a gay couple, both in their 30s-40s, sat to my right. Man A was Mediterranean-looking, bald, and, in addition to his otherwise sculpted bod, had an extremely hairy back (but kudos for not hiding that shit like another wet, white-tee-wearing dude I saw).

The real show-stopper though was Man A's partner, who I will creatively title Man B. Man B was also trim and had flowing, layered, chin-length gray hair. He wore a red speedo (which always activates my x-ray vision). He had a pierced belly button (a ring). He rolled around spread out and stretching like a sunbathing cat on his lounge chair with only a folded up washcloth to support his perfectly groomed head. Once, he turned onto his stomach and I was able to sneak a peak at the Sailor Moon tattoo covering his entire left scapula.

While my companion read poolside about France in WWII, I hid behind my Jackie-Os wondering about Man B's life for a good twenty minutes. Was this waxed and trimmed specimen self-conscious of or apathetic to his partner's furry back? I wished I had watched Sailor Moon so I could draw more conclusions about his personality from this character of choice.

Man B was not the only speedo-wearer. I actually got to check out two or three more sets of junk (although all were more in a train-wreck rather than an eye-candy sort of way). Also, I was surprised by the number of seemingly non-student, real adults at the pool on Thursday from 2-4 p.m. What are these people's jobs, and how can I make enough money in the future to afford a $1500+ rent while still having time to bounce around in a roof-top pool in the middle of a business day?

CNN weirds me out

CNN might be "The Most Trusted Name in News" but whenever I look at their website, I feel stupider afterwards (yes, "stupider" not "more stupid"-- don't fuck with me, I know my superlatives).

Sometimes the articles are just that dumb, other times not. Examples of a few headlines today, no need to read the articles (I sure didn't).

NASA probes shiny object trailing shuttle
I admit that if you read this article's short blurb, this headline makes sense. But before doing that I had to read it at least three times to get what it was trying to say. I have a hard time taking sentences that contain "shiny object" seriously. I start imagining people with swirly-eyed vision going crazy over diamonds or Nero-kitten playing with aluminum foil.

Ex-con's videos keep inmates, kids in touch
Hmm. What kind of inmates are these, and whose kids? Is R. Kelly involved?

Can cell phones really pop popcorn?
Well, I have always wondered...

Supreme Court decides U.S. Constitution applies at Guantánamo

From the NYT, Thursday's Supreme Court decision regarding the detention center in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba

...granted detainees the right to challenge their detention in civilian courts, meaning that federal judges will now have the power to check the government’s claims that the 270 men still held there are dangerous terrorists.

[...]

Detainees’ lawyers have long claimed that the government will not be able to justify the detention of many of the men. Pentagon officials, on the other hand, have maintained that classified evidence establishes that many of them are dangerous. The federal courts will now have the power to sort through those claims.

And regarding Habeas Corpus (a means of seeking relief from unlawful detention, such as that a prisoner must be charged with a specific crime or released, a prisoner's right to an attorney and the right to present evidence of innocence):

The question of whether detainees have habeas rights has long been a central issue in the battle over Guantánamo. Scores of such cases had been in the courts before Congress sought to strip federal judges of the power to hear them. Habeas suits by virtually all the 270 detainees are now expected to commence or be revived, lawyers said.

Such cases give federal judges broad powers to review the government’s reasons for holding a prisoner. But once a judge is satisfied that there is a legitimate basis, a case can end quickly with a ruling in the government’s favor.

“Habeas is not a ‘get out of jail free’ card,” said Jonathan Hafetz, a detainees’ lawyer at the Brennan Center for Justice at New York University. “It just provides a fair, legitimate and independent sorting process to determine who should and who should not be held.”

Update: McCain and Obama Split on Justices’ Guantánamo Ruling

McCain: "...it obviously concerns me. These are unlawful combatants; they’re not American citizens."

Obama: "This is an important step toward re-establishing our credibility as a nation committed to the rule of law, and rejecting a false choice between fighting terrorism and respecting habeas corpus."

Has Christmas come early?

A-hole boss just told us that he's now on Xanax after an especially horrific last two weeks (example).

I got lost on my way to work today

Hello friends!

I'm sorry I've been writing so sporadically! The day I'd been waiting for finally arrived last Thursday. I moved into my new downtown apartment with my good friend who is also a law student. I've been a bit busy as such.

This morning was the first day that I've driven directly from my apartment to my job in Towson. Yesterday, before leaving from work, I printed out directions on MapQuest for the best route home. I have a terrible sense of direction, but actually haven't had any problems getting TO my apartment from most locations in the city. Still, I wanted to know the most efficient route.

This morning, I sat in my parking cave and studied same printed directions/map I had used yesterday. Like a dumbass, I thought, "I'll just reverse them."

Living in a city + not taking into account one-way streets = Being thirty minutes late to work.

I have since looked up the correct route.


The purple line is what Yahoo suggests. I blazed my own trail on the red line. And yes, I did go in a circle like that about four times.

Winos unite!

Red wine might be even better for you than previously thought. The chemical, reservatol, found in small amounts in some red wines helps fight the decline of tissue.

NYT reports

Serious scientists have long derided the idea of life-extending elixirs, but the door has now been opened to drugs that exploit an ancient biological survival mechanism, that of switching the body’s resources from fertility to tissue maintenance. The improved tissue maintenance seems to extend life by cutting down on the degenerative diseases of aging.

Plus, wine gets me fuxed up.

Low blogging result of A-hole boss

I haven't been able to write regularly for a while because I've been swamped at work (key blogging time) and was off all last week for graduation, etc.

But, just as a quick note before I dive back into the piles on my desk:

I have been having the two worst days of work in my time here at the Law Offices of Jerk & Jerk. My boss keeps yelling at me for no reason and actually had the nerve yesterday to crumple up a piece of paper with a typo on it and throw it at me in front of a client. I have now moved past the point of anger and am approaching insanity. My coworker and I are now looking at each other each time something happens and laughing uncontrollably. Not good, but at least I'm not so grumpy today.