I hate Bobby Flay

Just finished watching Next Food Network Star, which is my favorite show on television currently.  Bobby Flay, one of three judges, is a total asshole every episode and I'm a little sick of him beating on Adam who woos me week after week.

Tonight I got so angry that I typed "I hate Bobby Flay" into Google.  Sometimes I need my opinion affirmed by the internet.  Apparently 24,600 other people hate him too.  Not nearly enough.

Some highlights of my search:

Veiled Conceit 

Hilarious, unfortunately dead since 2006, blog that offers insight into the weddings announced in the New York Times. This article is on Bobby's wedding to the cute DA on Law & Order: SVU. I have always really liked her and am sort of dumbfounded that she would marry Flay who has been divorced twice and dropped out of high school after being expelled. I smell an anger problem.

The Staggering Dicketry of Bobby Flay

Worth every minute of your Bobby Flay hating time--this title requires no explanation.

Winner of most creepy anti-Flay find:

Bobby Flay Sucks

Is this considered a forum?  I'm unsure with some interweb terms.  An entire website devoted to pissed off Food Network viewers that put anime representations of themselves next to their scornful comments.  In addition to using weird grammar lots of people do this, "::".  For example:

::wink::

::waves::

::facepalm::

::sighs and starts flipping channels again::

::slaps him around like mad crazy::

I was able to deduce that "::" means "imagine I am doing the following" or maybe even, "I am doing the following while typing."  But is this some weird trait of people who play Second Life or something?  It creeps me the fuck out...like mad crazy.

::continues typing::

So, in conclusion, I hate Bobby Flay.

Update:  while tagging this post, I momentarily forgot what my Torture label encompassed and hovered over it for a second.  Insightful.

Update: My day at work

For no good reason I just shoved about 4 inches of rice krispy treat into my mouth and had to deal with squirrel chewing/cheeks. Damn.

A little poop shy

Just went to go have my early afternoon poop. I walked out of my office at the exact same time the girl across the hall did. She scared the shit out of me so I did a little "Ah. Oh sorry, you scared the shit out of me."

I was optimistic that she'd stop at the elevator. Nope. I unlocked and then held the door for her into the ladies room.

It's a small three-staller and I debated whether I should just play the waiting game (which is much less embarrassing when anonymous) or just have a phantom bathroom run.

I go to the bathroom about once every hour and a half. I'm not sure if it's because of my small bladder or if it's because I get so depressed at work that the bathroom becomes a pseudo vacation spot. (I must mention though that I am the fastest pooper/bathroom trip taker in the world, so my time spent in the bathroom is definetly not the source of my only 25% productive work day. My speed bathrooming amazes people all the time, and sometimes I have to affirm repeatedly that yes, I did poop faster than you dried your hands.)

I sat in my stall for thirty seconds and had the teeniest tinkle (since I just went to the bathroom about twenty minutes before) and then ran out of the bathroom trying to avoid her scaring the shit out of me again or something*.

Then I had to wait in my office's waiting room area and tell my coworker that I was waiting for our building-mate to finish up in the bathroom so I could poop in solitary.

I always feel the need to confess my awkward situations, as if someone is really going to confront me about it. "Hey, wait a minute. You were just in the bathroom. Then you came back. Now you're leaving again. Are you on drugs?" I'm pretty sure that in fact no one gives a shit.

So after explaining myself unnecessarily, I went back in, did my thing while mentally drafting this blog post, and walla** (wall-ah? you know-- that magic related french sounding word) here I am.

*or offering another explanation. It's practically involunary for me. "Oh hey there. Yeah, I actually have to poop, so I know it sounded like I didn't even go to the bathroom, but I'm going to make a return trip when I think it's safe. It's really echo-y in here dontcha think?"

**Ah, I just googled it. "Voila." So uncouth.

Sorry POWs, you actually weren't tortured.

NYT reports detaineee interrogation instructions found to have been

...copied verbatim from a 1957 Air Force study of Chinese Communist techniques used during the Korean War to obtain confessions, many of them false, from American prisoners. The recycled chart is the latest and most vivid evidence of the way Communist interrogation methods that the United States long described as torture became the basis for interrogations both by the military at the base at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, and by the Central Intelligence Agency.

How convenient. When these tactics are being used against our soldiers, we call it torture. But when it comes to the U.S. using identical methods, we'll tear apart Geneva on the basis of prison location, type of prisoner, etc.-- because those are the variables that constitute torture, not the actions.