Holy shnikeys!

The banner ads on Facebook are typically hilarious and/or horrifying.  Example in point:  Each row has one male and one female model.  Try to guess which is which.

Call me close-minded, but I'm uncomfortable with my man displaying more cleavage than I am.  

Hungry for more?  Chew on this yummy hunk!

Free association

A la Your Neighborhood Librarian: a free association exercise.

I say...you think....

Track :: music
Snake :: bite
Assignment :: due
Blockbuster :: movies
Bombastic :: boobies
Adventure :: pirate
First time :: around
Aged :: glue
Grip :: sticky
Shortcut:: keys

I'm not sure where "glue" came from.

Thanks, Horoscope

I've been feeling a little bitchy at times for the last week or two. Although I haven't really directed it at anyone, I still feel a little bad about it. I've been questioning whether I should try to squash/correct my negativity or if I should just let it be and let myself feel however I do.

My horoscope made me feel better today though, "...Remember that it's not just about being nice; it's also about keeping it real."

Good. I love being enabled, even if it is only by my Google homepage.

No surprise here

Regarding the Justice Department's report released yesterday that states FBI agents repeatedly complained about interrogation techniques used in Guantánamo Bay:

From the Washington Post

Nearly half of the 450 FBI agents who worked at Guantanamo reported that they had observed or heard about military interrogators using a variety of harsh interrogation techniques on detainees, with the most common being sleep deprivation and short-shackling -- or locking a detainee's hands and feet together to prevent comfortable sitting or standing -- for long periods of time.

Military officials at Guantanamo Bay used some aggressive techniques before they were approved, possibly in violation of Defense Department policy and U.S. law, the report said. They also continued to use "stress positions" and other such techniques well after they were prohibited by Defense Department policy in January 2003, the report said.

and from the NYT

FBI agents at the base created a “war crimes file” to document accusations against American military personnel, but were eventually ordered to close down the file, a Justice Department report revealed Tuesday.

[...]

Many of the abuses the report describes have previously been disclosed, but it was not known that F.B.I. agents had gone so far as to document accusations of abuse in a “war crimes file” at Guantánamo...Sometime in 2003, however, an F.B.I. official ordered the file closed because “investigating detainee allegations of abuse was not the F.B.I.’s mission,” the report said.

And as a conclusionary measure, in one of her best articles on the CIA interrogation tapes "The Harm Initiative: How We Got Hoodwinked Into Tolerating Abusive Interrogations", from Dahlia Lithwick a few months ago

John Yoo and Steven Bradbury [from the Office of Legal Counsel at the DoJ] think that an interrogation method is torture only if it produces irrevocable damage. But long after the torture tapes are forgotten, what may be irrevocably damaged is our capacity for outrage.

Justice Hillary?

Interesting op-ed piece in today's Washington Post. James Miller proposes that Obama promise Hillary a Supreme Court appointment if a current Justice were to retire during his presidency.

If Obama were to promise Clinton the first court vacancy, her supporters would actually have a stronger incentive to support him for president than they would if she were going to be vice president. Given the Supreme Court's delicate liberal-conservative balance, she would play a major role in charting the country's future; there is no guarantee that a Clinton vice presidency would achieve such importance.

My soap nearly killed me, but it's natural

As I have previously disclosed, last year I switched over to natural personal care/cleaning products to appease my unfounded cancer fears. This brings me to,

Exhibit 3:
This weekend, I bought the above soap. As most know, natural/organic/whatever products are usually a lot more expensive than their artificial counterparts. This soap was a bargain though (under $5), so I was pretty excited.

Last night, I grabbed my poofy soap thing and my new purchase. I tried to open the lid, but it was a bit stuck. Eventually I pried off the cap, but I guess in my concentration I forgot to blink when a huge spurt of natural goodness flew into my eye.

I yelped and whimpered like an injured puppy over the sound of my eye sizzling. Tears and snot streamed out of my facial orifices, and somehow I lost the ability to keep both of my eyes open for about thirty minutes.

While a product might be natural, please don't assume it is pure enough to dump in your eye.

"Yoga mom" makes me barf

Exhibit 2:

From the NYT,

Amy Chase started feeding Similac Organic infant formula to her second son,Amos, as soon as he was born in November 2006. “When I saw the organic at
Publix, I bought it, no questions asked,” said Ms. Chase, a self-described “yoga mom” in Atlanta. Like Ms. Chase, many American parents have rushed to embrace Similac Organic formula, even though it sells for as much as 30 percent more than regular Similac...Parents may be buying it because they believe that organic is healthier, but babies may have a reason of their own for preferring
Similac Organic: it is significantly sweeter than other formulas.

The article goes on to say that the organic formula is the only baby formula with cane sugar (sucrose) in it, which pediatricians say can lead to decaying teeth and childhood obesity.

Walmart catches on to green trend.

Sometimes I get a little nauseous when I see people being overzealous in their green efforts. While I support the cause, I try not to get too caught up in the trendiness of being green. Here is a series-ed rant on green things that annoy me.

Exhibit 1:

I saw this shirt the other day at Wal-Mart. They are notoriously 18 months to 3 years behind on trends. Now the environmentally conscious poor kids can fit in too.

Hooray

Prim & Propper is one month old!

Oh dear

I find Julianne Moore lovely, but this picture in today's Times did not do her justice and immediately reminded me of Creepo here.

The blue lights are watching (well, sort of).

The Baltimore Sun is reporting that the city will be removing some blue light cameras as they modernize their video surveillance systems.

Police have complained for years about the limitations of the [current systems] which must be monitored on site with a laptop-style controller.

So the cop has to be near the camera in order to monitor the video. Doesn’t that defeat the point? Couldn’t they just stick their head out the window and watch the drug deals live?

The new units will be wired back to monitoring systems, but that still won’t solve the main issue. Even when the police are armed with video showing an alleged crime, the image quality is so poor that a prosecutor can’t use it.

"They are an expensive operation [at $30,000 apiece], and for the purpose of prosecution and evidence they really have had very little effect on building more cases," said Margaret Burns, a Jessamy spokeswoman.

Not so fast though! The article does tell us about one crime solved using the cameras!

A camera positioned at Calhoun and Cumberland streets did help homicide detectives solve a November 2006 murder. In that case the footage documented an assailant as he used a tree branch to bash a man sleeping on a park bench. The victim then fell to the ground, and the suspect left him for dead. Homicide detectives found the assailant's cell phone and located his sister. Though the footage was hard to make out, police said, she was able to identify her brother as a suspect.

Is this really the best they could come up with? Not only is this example almost two years old, the cell phone was the main mystery-solver, not the camera. Plus, the suspect had a bitch of a sister.

Apparently though, some neighborhoods clamor for a camera to be installed on their blocks as they act as a deterrent. The article states that on average, outdoor crime falls 7% after a blue light camera has been installed.

They could just install fake cameras (which would be equally effective if the main use is as a deterrent), but we’re spending free money here so who cares?

I'm never wearing this outfit again

Today I am wearing a very troublesome corduroy skirt. Every time I stand up I get a wedgie and end up having to fix my entire ensemble. Luckily I'm not shy and don't mind adjusting my derriere in view of my female coworkers (although it is every twenty minutes or so), but it's a little frustrating when my male boss is in the office and my boyshorts are behaving like a thong.

Clinton, I like your style

This suit of Hillary's really struck me:

The woman looks beautiful in cantaloupe! She must know it too...

Not a fan of the jacket, but again, the color....

Same beads as in the first photo. Work those accessories, girl.

Even with the goofy expression, I still think she looks great. Ladies: don't be ashamed of having a monochromatic closet. Wear what works.

American-led humanitarian invasion in store for Myanmar?

From Robert Kaplan of the NYT, this sounds like another fun situation for us to stick our noses in help out with:

There is an increasing degree of chatter about the possibility of an American-led invasion of the Irrawaddy River Delta.

...Because a humanitarian invasion could ultimately lead to the regime’s collapse, we would have to accept significant responsibility for the aftermath. And just as the collapse of the Berlin Wall was not supposed to lead to ethnic cleansing in Yugoslavia, and the liberation of Iraq from Saddam Hussein was not supposed to lead to civil war, the fall of the junta would not be meant to lead to the collapse of the Burmese state. But it might.

...It seems like a simple moral decision: help the survivors of the cyclone. But liberating Iraq from an Arab Stalin also seemed simple and moral. (And it might have been, had we planned for the aftermath.) Sending in marines and sailors is the easy part; but make no mistake, the very act of our invasion could land us with the responsibility for fixing Burma afterward.

Whoa

While doing my daily news browsing, I saw this banner ad to the right of an article I was reading.

This is some scary shit! What would happen to your family if you died without Life Insurance? I'll tell you what, your chubster of a kid will end up as a beggar!

Even more amusing to me, however, was that when I right-clicked and saved, the file turned out to be named KilledByNinjasV2. I can only hope that version 1 actually shows the dad being killed by ninjas. Part one scares the shit out of you imagining your painful death-by-Asian-defense-moves. Then Part two fills you with guilt for not having the forethought to provide for your ugly kid. Way to go, Dad. Way. To. Go.

My brother backs Obama in '08

At ten years old, my brother loves to pretend he is worldy and informed. A little while back, for example, he slept over at a friend's and tossed into conversation that day, "blah blah blah with my coffee this morning."

He told me this weekend that he hates Republicans and Hillary Clinton, and rah-rahhed everytime Obama's picture appeared on the program I was watching. I asked him which of Obama's stances he most supported. I received a quizzical look, but later he quipped, "He's a good speaker."

Ah.

Upcoming purchases

1. A new computer
2. Curtains for my thundercloud hued room. I'm thinking a nice champagne color.
3. Some Towson University gear (another pair of sweatpants, another pair of shorts maybe, and a tee). I feel like I need to load up before graduating. Although I'm still waiting for the insane coupon I know graduating seniors got last year...

And you thought mini-feed was invasive...

In an agreement with 49 attorneys general, Facebook is vamping up its safety policies. They will have a new "Report Abuse" icon and users under 18 will have to read their new "Safety Tips" upon signing up.

NYT also reports

Facebook will also no longer let people significantly change their ages without review and has agreed to take down within 24 hours any material flagged as inappropriate...The company is developing behavioral technology to weed out fibbers...Such technology could, for example, identify when someone is friends with people of a significantly different age — an indication that perhaps an older person is trying to contact young people.

I'm sure the only people that read the new "Safety Tips" will be the people who read "User Agreement and Guidelines" contracts while installing software.

And predators...make sure you get your age right the first time.

This is all well-intentioned obviously but it seems a bit much. As far as I know it's not illegal to friend someone online that is a different age than you. What are they going to do with these flagged people? Send their names to the FBI, or worse: Chris Hansen? And don't most predators pose as minors anyway?

This all comes down to users not being idiots. The updates Facebook has made to its privacy tools in the last year or so are great and more than enough to protect yourself.

While the above child-related plans sound fancy enough, they won't make a difference. For the most part, kids that get themselves into these issues are stupid to begin with or have parents that are neglectful in their guidance. No amount of government intervention or company changes are going to solve those problems.

Coming up: "Users required to submit birth certificates and fingerprints to Facebook"

Why are people klutzy?

I looked this up and was hoping for some scientific answer, but I got these Google results instead:

• Google Answers: Self-defense for lazy, klutzy people
• Klutzy? Take Taiji or Ballroom Dancing!
• Newsvine: Life as a Klutzy, Unlucky Man
• Skinny, klutzy kids have always dreaded the senior prom
• "Lazy! Messy! Stupid! Klutzy baby!"
• Amazon.com: "The Klutzy Parent's Guide to Coaching U-6 Soccer"

Ah, maybe this will be what I'm looking for:

Fox News: Just Clumsy or Serious Medical Problem?

Mmm...not quite interesting enough for my attention span. I was hoping for a quick and dramatic diagnosis so the next time my bottle of Amstel Light missed the edge of the bar I could say "Don't laugh, I have an enlarged cerebellum."

The coolest/stupidest bra ever

About three months ago, I bought two of the above bras ("The Flip") from Victoria's Secret. The bra is reversible with the aid of completely detachable straps and a modified closure. It is also seamless and tagless. Great features.

But this might be the most poorly designed (and expensive) bra I have ever worn in my life. I don't know if it's my 36Ds or what, but this bra will not cooperate with my boobs.

The detachable straps are constantly popping off and I usually only notice when someone (whom I hopefully know) tugs on the half-undone strap that ends up hanging out of my shirt. I then usually have to recruit a helper to reattach it as the connection in the back of the bra is most troublesome.

The straps are also too long so they don't support my boobs at an adequate tension. Yesterday, I was wearing a wrap-type shirt while over at the bf's. While lying on the couch, my boobs suddlenly felt a little loose. I tugged on the straps: nope, still attached. I looked down and my ENTIRE right boob had popped out of the cup and was waving hello from the V in my shirt.

VS no longer sells the bra on their website (and it was brand new and heavily featured when I bought it). But you would think they'd do a recall or something fearing their customers would flash their boyfriends' roommates everytime they lie on the couch.

A gift from baby Jesus?

My prayers have been answered. For years and years I have wished for the joy that is CleverKeys, when all along it was right under my nose at my beloved dictionary.com.

In the middle of writing a paper, I was perusing dictionary.com in search of lexical genius when I stumbled across it.

Download CleverKeys and highlight any word within your browser, word processor, and allegedly many other applications. Hit Ctrl+L, and the word's definition will pop up in a new window. I nearly crapped myself.

Tell all your friends and neighbors! Hallelujah, glory awaits you!

I hate my job.

I fantasize about the day when I have my own copy bitch.

I have spent a good portion of today at work making copies of clients' documents. Here are a few ways that you can really piss me off when I'm doing so:

1. Hand me a stack of about 250 pages, with every 2-3 pages stapled, while telling me to "keep the originals organized."
2. Give me documents that are folded/crumpled up to the point where each page jams the copier so that I have to scan them individually. For extra points, make sure that they are coated with grime so that while I pull apart each stuck-together page I legitimately fear contracting an infectious disease.
3. Keep records that are unnecessarily meticulous and that no one will ever need to see. Example? A photocopy of cash that you used to pay for your child's school lunch.

But that's all for now. I have to go copy someone's diary for the last two years, and you know that it won't even be an interesting one to read as I copy it page by steno-pad page.

Another plant to worry about

So maybe this is what all of those "legal marijuana" ads and spam emails are about. Yesterday's article on Slate about Salvia Divinorum and the upcoming (potential) prohibition about it states the plant (which is not marijuana) causes, for about 5-20 minutes

visions; feelings of fright; loss of physical coordination; uncontrollable laughter; confusion; feelings of being underground, or underwater, or flying, or floating; experiences of "non-Euclidean" spaces; and more

So far, eight states have made it illegal, with sixteen more considering it (illegal in Delaware, still legal in Maryland). But according to the government in 2006, less than two million people have tried it in their lifetime and no deaths have been recorded as a result of it.

So, uh...what are we panicking about again?

Seriously?

Hillary on ABC's "This Week" (via The Caucus):

I’m not going to put in my lot with economists...Elite opinion is always on the side of doing things that really disadvantages the vast majority of Americans.

Ouch. Not only has she recklessly proposed repealing the $0.18 gas tax to "relieve" millions of Americans (I'm sure...who's to say the consumer will reap this short term benefit?), she is flat-out acknowledging that economists think this is a terrible idea. Good move.

Unfortunately it probably will be for her as she is telling low-income voters exactly what they want to hear, condoning their short-sightedness on the issue.

A fabulous weekend

I galavanted all over the city this weekend. If you'd like to recreate my Saturday please feel free to follow this itinerary:

Sofi's Crêpes
A small quirky café in Mount Vernon. I got a yummy tomato, spinach and sharp cheddar crêpe.

James Joyce
Stopped here around 2 p.m. Good service, food, and outdoor seating in lovely Harbor East.

Patrick's of Pratt Street
Cozy family owned pub with great food and atmosphere. Penny pint nights from time to time. The bartender on Wednesday and Friday nights is delicious to boot.

Ixia
Sparkly and colorful. Expensive but the lack of deafening acousitic guitar/club music makes it a great place to conversate, have a drink and enjoy some Justin Timberlake jams. This is a tie for me in atmosphere with Sky Lounge, another martini bar.

My great night ended with lasagna from Italiano's, the only place where you can get decent Italian and pretty much anything else until 3 a.m.

A visual demonstration

And for those who do not have the pleasure of knowing just how cute Nero is...



Try to deny that he is P-I-M-P

I was going to wait but...

I am beginning my moving countdown: 1 month+3 days! I will be moving to my new apartment with my dear friend and ending my current transient lifestyle. My entire life is in Towson/Baltimore, but I've been commuting 40 minutes for the last four months.

I'm just like Hobo Dave here, often packing bags for days at a time and frequently skipping showers.

This has actually been my number one stressor for the last couple of months as it requires a lot of advanced planning (at which I'm only mildly skilled), so I end up forgetting my school stuff sometimes or having to take a trip to the mall to get an appropriate outfit for going out.

Nero kitten is also very excited about living in the city. Keep an eye out for him at Chesapeake Wine Co. though as I fear he is en route to becoming a wino.

Snuggy-ugums & you

I love reading some articles under "Living" in newspapers and magazines. Here's a great one from CNN...

Do You Mommy Your Husband?

Kristen Rounds, 26,

picks out his clothes before they go out, styles his hair, makes his lunches (complete with "I love you" notes inside) and takes it upon herself to apply the toothpaste before handing him his toothbrush each night. And then there's bathing. "When he's in the shower, he calls me in to wash his back," says Rounds, a publicist.

The solution?

If you catch yourself talking to him as if he's your child, switch modes, Tessina says. "Exaggerate to make a joke out of it: 'Would snuggy-uggums wike a widdle kissy?' followed by 'God -- I am so tired of talking baby talk, but I can't seem to change gears!' "