Suspicions confirmed: I learned nothing in college

"America's Most Overrated Product: the Bachelor's Degree"

Some highlights:

• "50 percent of college seniors scored below "proficient" levels on a test that required them to do such basic tasks as understand the arguments of newspaper editorials or compare credit-card offers."
• "Almost 20 percent of seniors had only basic quantitative skills."
• "The percentage of college graduates deemed proficient in prose literacy has actually declined from 40 to 31 percent in the past decade."

So not only will my B.A. become more and more worthless as the market becomes more saturated with college graduates, it is further devalued by the fact that employers realize that a degree pretty much means nothing about a person's skill level.

And nicely put by the author:

Colleges are quick to argue that a college education is more about enlightenment than employment... 44.6 percent [of college freshmen] said they were not satisfied with the quality of instruction they received. Imagine if that many people were dissatisfied with a brand of car: It would quickly go off the market. Colleges should be held to a much higher standard, as a higher education costs so much more, requires years of time, and has so much potential impact on your life.

At least I'll be able to woo employers with my legal education. Oh wait, I won't learn anything there either.

For your reading pleasure

Just finished Tim O'Brien's excellent Vietnam collection The Things They Carried.

I would recommend it to anyone, even to those that have no interest in history/war. It doesn't spend page after page talking about battles and war tactics, but focuses mostly on the lives of the soldiers (to whom you become very attached).

It's very disturbing, funny and heart-wrenching all at the same time. Also, I would imagine it's very relevant in examining modern soldiers' experiences in Iraq.

5 out of 5 golden stars (B&N gives it 4.5, but whatever).

No one cares but regardless, an update:

My nose is still bothering me (tomorrow will be two weeks).

In conferring with my social circle, a few others have noted that this season has been especially rough on the nostrils. One of my allergy-ridden friends suggested saline spray, which I've been using, but still my boogers are painful and a little bloody.

What's a girl to do?

A few fun sites

Etsy.com

For buying and selling handmade things.
Specifically, I want (can't wait) to buy a few of these:
Wall Decals

Name Voyager
Very cool site on which you can visually track the popularity of any name through the decades.

And, as a work related/lawyerly note, Maryland Judiciary Case Search is a fun way to spend some time seeing which of your friends are secretly criminals.

Things I'm happy about

I'm feeling fried and a bit uninspired today. But as a potential perk-up:

1. I am becoming a bigger fan of red wine by the week.
2. I got a 105 on my Fiction quiz.
3. I bought Wicked yesterday and have really enjoyed the first 25 pages.
4. My bank account will be replenished the day after tomorrow.
5. I am seeing Suss and Christ tonight, two of my favorite people in the whole wide world.

Feeling better already.

I'm awesome today

A snippet from my horoscope (Virgo):

Your ruling planet Mercury is amplified by joyous Jupiter and you cannot help but be more inspirational than usual. Almost anything you say makes others feel better so everyone wants to talk with you.

Are you a fat ass like me?

Do you frequently go on late-night pilgrimmages for specific dessert items (Twizzlers or ice cream, perhaps)? Are you crushed when you can't find them at the grocery store of your choice? I too share your quandary.

The bf and I went on a B&J hunt last night for some Oatmeal Cookie ice cream. Canton's Safeway, where we'd previously had luck, didn't have it in stock. If only I had known:

Ben & Jerry Flavor Locator

We did discover a delightful replacement flavor though.

Imagine Whirled Peace-- a tribute via ice cream to John Lennon. Sweet cream and caramel ice cream with chewy toffee cookies and fudge peace signs.

They love to do crazy shit with those fudge chunks (see: Phish Food).

It's earned a place in my top five:

1. Oatmeal Cookie
2. Cinnamon Buns
3. Imagine Whirled Peace
4. Half Baked
5. Chubby Hubby

Fun to say word of the day

Perfidious

Tending to betray; especially having a treacherous character.
Origin: Latin

Teenage singer has breasts beneath clothes

Why is this Miley Cyrus photo controversial? People reports that Cyrus posed for

...a racy, as-yet unreleased Vanity Fair photo shoot in which she appears to be nude...

Are teenage girls not allowed to admit they have naked bodies? I honestly don't know if these photos would have been made a big deal if Cyrus herself hadn't started this by stating,

I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be 'artistic' and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed.

I guess I'm off America's puritan pulse, but about what is she embarrassed? And why is she drawing this scrutiny to herself?

Vanity Fair article and photos here

My feet are dirty but happy

Confession: I am forever barefoot, even while making copies in my office. I don't like to wear shoes, and when I must, I try to stay away from standard functional shoes.

Luckily though, New York Magazine is reporting that barefoot and moccassin-type shoes are back on the "Healthy" list. I am a believer after this experience:

About three months ago, I was in need of new flip flops. I wandered around the shoe store, and stopped at the Reef display. I was extremely impressed by their arch, which is about 3/4" higher than the rest of the sole. $40 later, I thought my feet will be so happy this summer while caressing my new arched flip flops.

I left for Florida a few days later and wore them for a week straight. As I traipsed around to restaurants and the beach, I developed a limp. The seemingly glorious rubber and leather fulcrum felt like it breaking my foot bones with each step.

I assumed that my shoe habits had destroyed my feet and that I now had to undo the damage. Determined to break in my Reefs, I eventually pulled through. I also bought some Dr. Scholl's arches that I later realized wouldn't fit in my mocassins.

The article says though, that after studying different modern civilizations, those that do not wear shoes (Zulus, in this case) have the healthiest and most similar feet to those of our ancestors 2000 years ago. It explains how we and most of the world have ruined our feet and gait by applying padding, raised heels and arches to a tool that was originally only supposed to protect us from thorns and the occasional stubbed toe.

Damn, had it right the first time.

Original article: How We're Wrecking Our Feet With Each Step We Take

Reasons my car sucks

1. The air conditioning isn't cold

2. The dashboard/control center (?) only lights up when it wants to*

3. There is a hole in the muffler which is making me lose my hearing. It also causes people to think that I have tricked out my '95 Nissan

4. The heat/vent only works when it is turned on full blast-- further impairing my ability to listen to music at a normal volume

5. The stick shift doesn't like to go into reverse. Usually when I am in a public parking lot or I have a passenger. I have to use both hands, make ugly faces and pull with all of my strength multiple times. Very suave as my muffler blasts.


*This further facilitates my speeding problem as (A) I truthfully can't see how fast I am driving, and (B) I don't really care because when I get pulled over I will tell the officer that it just went out and I thought I was going the speed limit. I may or may not get a Warning but it's worth a shot.

Spice up your vocabulary with some Yiddish

Whenever my boss and his wife, who are Jewish, throw some Yiddish into conversation, I always get a little excited to learn a new word. For word nerds and/or thesaurus lovers such as me, I'm starting a fun to say word of the day, that may or may not include a lot of Yiddish. We'll see if it lasts.

Today's word:

shmaltzy

Excessively sentimental, gushing, flattering, over-the-top, corny.
Origin: Yiddish

I'm also excited to list a fun synonym that I know of: treacly, derived from treacles (syrup/molasses).

Advice: Freak-a-leek

Dear Margo,

My brother, 12 years my senior, has been married to a rather mousy woman for quite some time. They were married when I was 14, and she was wary of "children," so we have never been close. My sister and I, however, have a great relationship, and our brother wishes us to include our s-i-l now that we are old enough to have "adult" conversations. So, during our last visit, my sister and I tried to make her feel like she was "one of the girls."

I think, however, that our gesture was misinterpreted. Today, my sister and I each received a mass e-mail (eight recipients) from my s-i-l, asking us very personal questions, such as "Do you enjoy anal sex?" and "How frequently do you engage in it?" In the e-mail, she remarked that she was just asking to make sure she was "normal," although she didn't state what she thought normal was. She also promised not to share the information with anyone but my brother.

Needless to say, I was mortified, as was my sister. I'm not sure how to address this behavior. I'm pretty sure my brother was not aware of this e-mail, and if he found out, he would be livid and incredibly embarrassed. Should I confront her about it or just pretend it didn't happen?

--Startled

Dear Startled,

I am creeped out thinking about your rodent-like relative and pity you and your brother. Your sister-in-law sounds like a woman who either has very few friends and really doesn't know if she is normal, or is trying to connect with you in a way she thinks you might respond well to (although it sounds like she is mistaken).

In some circles, such conversation would be normal. However, this takes into account that these types of friends have normally been close for years, and usually aren't fucking eachother's siblings. But at least she is giving you the reassurance that she'll only be telling your brother about this.

As there were eight recipients, you should be fine not responding. Maybe some lube and a nice card for her birthday though.

Signed,
Prim & Propper

Under the influence

I am so sick of seeing anti-drug ads, especially those from Above the Influence. This ONDCP campaign implies that anyone that smokes pot is doing so out of peer pressure.

I know that I'm no longer a minor, their core audience, but they apparently don't realize that most people that smoke are not being forced to do so.

Ironically, most of the ads rely on peer pressure telling teens that "Your friends won't like you if you smoke a joint" because you'll turn into a boring slob forever destined to live in your childhood bedroom.

It is funny though that this is the worst they can now come up with for reasons not to smoke pot. The government is no longer keeping marijuana illegal for safety or health reasons, now it's for your social well-being.

I'll do what I want.

I have decided that despite the fact that no one is asking for my advice (which might be because I have no readers), I want my own advice column. For my own entertainment, I'm going to steal other columns' questions and answer them myself from time to time. Stay tuned for this exciting development.

A peak into my simple mind

Today while walking and thinking about the weather, I blanked trying to remember what a person who studies weather is called. When I remembered "meteorologist" I, like an average third grader, wondered But what is someone who studies meteors called?

In looking for the answer, off of an elementary school website in fact, I found this:

A chemist studies chemicals. A psychologist studies psychology. A geneticist studies genes. But does a meteorologist study meteors? The answer is yes! The word meteorologist comes from the Greek word meteor. This word meant high in the air.

A meteor can be anything that falls through the air. So, raindrops, dust, and snowflakes can be thought of as atmospheric "meteors." Scientists have different names for different kinds of weather meteors.

Interesting (I guess) but not really the answer I was hoping for.

From a different website: meteoricist.

My favorite Madonna songs

In honor of the beast that is Madonna & JT's 4 Minutes to Save the World, I will now list my top five otherwise favorite Madonna songs, in no particular order:

1. Die Another Day
2. Like a Prayer
3. My Baby's Got a Secret
4. Me Against the Music (Britney's my girl)
5. Vogue

A cure for vegans who crave bacon?

For a few years, I was a vegetarian. After expressing that I had thought about breaking my carcass boycot, a friend gave me a bag of beef jerky as a joke. I succumbed to temptation within a few hours.

The NYT is reporting that PETA is now offering a million dollars to the first person to come up with

...tissue cultures that could be consumed like meat without the expense of land or feed and the disease potential of real meat.

Completely different than your standard tofu, this alternative is actually meat produced in vitro (cloned, I believe?).

This brings up new issues within the vegetarian/vegan community as no animals are killed with this product. Despite PETA's endorsement of the idea and the lack of harm to animals, many PETAers (and vegetarians otherwise, I'd assume) are still disgusted with the idea of eating this animal tissue.

This also comes at an interesting time as the organic section of American grocery stores expand and some people are pushing for the FDA labeling of cloned foods. I'm curious to see how consumers respond to this if a viable product can be made.

Yum-yums for me.

After I returned home from grocery shopping today, I noticed that without realizing it, I had bought three different types of Nabisco's 100 Calorie Packs, namely:

• Oreo Chewy Granola Bars
• Honey Maid Cinnamon Thin Crisps
• Mister Salty Chocolate Covered Pretzels (New!)

I'm definetly most excited about the Mister Salties. I'm amazed by this supposed diet-type food. I feel like before the 100CPs came out, there hadn't been this many choices of tasty snacks in a while.

I wish they sold them in big bags though so I didn't feel bad about eating three or four of them at a time. I generally don't care much about my calorie intake, but it's difficult not to feel like a porker when you're lying on your bed with little bags strewn about everywhere.

I have a bad habit. Whenever I go to the store-- and I always pick up great food by the way-- I come home and I end up eating one of everything I bought. Over the course of today, for example, I ate the aforementioned, a yogurt, and a Fruit by the Foot (okay, two). Although I did leave my Honey Maids and Cheez-Its sealed up.

Damn, forgot to pick up some B&J Cinnamon Rolls.

Eco-friendly bottles poisoning tree huggers everywhere

On Tuesday, Slate.com published this article "Why do we focus on the least important causes of cancer?". I am a poster child for this epidemic.

A year ago I substituted, among other things, my dish detergent for one made from coconuts and earth salt, and my shampoo for one made from soy and moringa pterygosperma seed extract (No, I don't know what that is but it makes me feel better). I know that it's unlikely that these products will kill me, but it's so easy to switch (and usually the products smell very nice).

Today, The Times published this article, which states:

Nalgene, the brand that popularized water bottles made from hard, clear and nearly unbreakable polycarbonate, will stop using the plastic because of growing concern over one of its ingredients...Some animal studies have linked the chemical to changes in the hormonal system.

I've used these bottles (ironically pictured in Brita's "Responsible Water" ads) daily for about four years, so here's to one more cancer concern added to my ever-growing list.

Morning Rant

I work for an attorney. Some of my responsibilities are answering phones and talking to people that wander in off the street without appointments.

When talking to clients, a surprisingly large number refuse to give me either their last name or their phone number. These people usually either tell me "Just tell him it's (first name), he'll know who I am" and "He's got my phone number." The reason that he has your phone number is because I give it to him when he wants to call you.

Usually, I'll give my boss the message with the person's first name, and he'll have no idea who they are. I guess this is attributable to the fact that people that do this have an inflated sense of their own importance anyway.

Sexy books.

Today while in Grammar class, which is sometimes very stimulating and at other times not, I was thinking back to a book by James Kirkwood I read a few years ago, Good Times, Bad Times.

It has a Catcher in the Rye type feel, combined with soft homoeroticisim after the injured main character is semi-molested by his headmaster. No, it's actually very funny. (See also, P.S. Your Cat is Dead.)

Anyway, the main character and his best friend frequently refer to having sex as conjugating the verb. I have since always wanted to slip this into conversation, but haven't found an appropriate audience/situation. Try it out sometime.

Judging from the Amazon site, the former is not readily available-- and I think my copy might be a first edition paperback straight out of the 60s. Either way, I highly recommend both Kirkwood novels.

A Disappointing Lunch

I got a pre-made turkey, mozzarella and croissant sandwich today. I was really disappointed. The croissant didn't look too sprightly to begin with, but I went for it anyway out of desperation.

Aren't whole grains supposed to keep you full? I seem to only be able to go about two hours between eating cereal in the morning and then wanting lunch. I'm beginning to think that the craze for whole grains is a load of bunk.

Anyway, I assumed that the turkey would turn the delicate croissant into mush alone, but after purchasing it I saw that they had put mayonaise on it also.

I might be alone in this, but I am disturbed when my pre-made sandwich comes with pre-spread condiments. Although I am terrified of condiments, I don't see how an otherwise mayonaise-loving person would want that shit soaking into their bread for who knows how many hours?

If I see a label that says "Turkey and Mozzarella on Croissant" that is what I expect. Why is it acceptable for them to slather it on without disclosure?

Global warming...or something?

I've been thinking a lot lately about how spring 2008 seems to be off to a slow start. I walk a few blocks both to school and work and I feel that the foliage is still at a March level. Don't trees normally have more leaves by April? Does anyone keep statistics on these things?

Sunglasses at night

Why are people suddenly wearing these sunglasses:

I mean, sure I wore them too in the 80s (yes, I was four years old). But are they really making a comeback? Is this one of those fashionable half-jokes?

I recently saw a friend in a bar wearing these, but couldn't take him seriously (but then again we were in a bar). That was the first time I saw someone wearing them legitimately, since then I've seen about seven other people.

I don't get it.

Unhappy nose.

My boogers have been ridiculous today. They have been hard and a little bloody. I am not usually a shameful picker, but today the habit was really on display. Finding something to wipe it on can be tough too. I try not to be too gross, and usually go for a trashcan, but sometimes there aren’t many options.

Update: 12 hours later-- still having angry boogers.